Backstage at the Calamity, Vol. I No. II: The Warlock Queen, Showdown at Sunrise, and The Groundskeeper

Table of Contents

• What the F*CK did I Work On This Week?

  • The Warlock Queen

  • Showdown at Sunrise

• The Groundskeeper

• What’s Published and Where You Can Find It

  • Odds ‘n’ Endings Stories

• Acknowledgements

What the F*CK did I Work On This Week?

These past two weeks have felt almost like a bust. I absolutely have not at all written what I would have like to have written. The holidays have thrown everything off and everything is terrible as a result. But you know what? It’s a goddamn fucking new year, and a whole lot of opportunity awaits.

Even though I did not write as much as I would have loved to have written, I still managed to get some shit done:

The Warlock Queen

The story of the blademaster and the princess and the king and the fucked up shit that happens to all of them is well under way. While the rough draft is complete, it is nowhere near ready to be handed off to my wonderful editors who will rip it to shreds. Still, I recurse through the story and refine it, working to bring it to a point where I will not feel nearly as embarrassed by the comments they apply to it as I have in prior stories.

Showdown at Sunrise

The western that will take place in the Odds ‘n’ Endings universe has made strides. I have finished implementing the edits provided by one editor, and await the gnarly suggestions that will no doubt surface from another. When those return, then another round of rewriting will begin. This, however, does bring this story closer to being placed in your hands, for your enjoyment.

Furthermore, I provide you another install of …

The Groundskeeper

First time tuning in? Start here.

... continued from The Editorial, December 27, 2024

It's my first day on the job. I want to make a good impression, so of course I've scoured the employee handbook with regard to what's expected of me on the job. The handbook was actually pretty fucking useless in that regard. All I really pulled from it was that I would be provided all I needed during my orientation. When I called to find out when orientation would be held, the operator just hung up. I then received an email stating I would be provided with all I needed on my first night. I would find it in my employee locker.

From the call, I surmised this was a no-nonsense operation. Which felt weird when I considered the paperwork I was given at the close of my interview and onboarding.

Whatever. I roll up to the employee hall twenty minutes early and walk in, expecting some sort of welcome, a tour, the usual 'first day on the job' shit. I am welcomed by no one. The door to the employee hall opens on, well, a hall. The plain white linoleum floor looks clean, if a little dusty. I make my way down the hall, peering into one room after another, wondering if there's anyone here.

There isn't. There aren’t even any lockers.

I make it all the way to the break room, where I find a manilla folder with my name written in the broad strokes of black permanent marker. Inside the folder is an employee card on a lanyard and instructions on how to clock in and clock out.

That's it.

I don't know what I expected. It is, after all, a fucking cemetery. When the whole of your professional existence is spent with the deceased, when you stare mortality in the face day after day, I imagine very little else carries much import.

This is fine. I don't need a fucking welcome party. I'm here for a goddamned paycheck.

I pick up my employee card and walk over to the punch clock mounted on the wall next to the coffee machine. At least there's fresh coffee in the pot. I have about six minutes before my shift officially starts. I pour myself a cup and give myself a cheers for getting the job. This will have to be enough of a welcome for me. About a minute before the hour turns over, I face the punch clock and swipe my employee card as directed by the instructions.

A prompt appears on the tiny pixelated screen asking if I am clocking in or clocking out. I press the button indicated to inform the machine I am clocking in. A new prompt appears asking me to confirm.

The fluorescent lights in the break room begin to flicker at random. I think back to the checklist for a moment and consider the coincidence to be humorous. I return my attention to the machine and press the button indicated to confirm I am, in fact, clocking in.

The prompt changes, displaying a brief "WELCOME," and then the lights throughout the entire building go out.

Continued in Part III

What’s Published and Where You Can Find It

These are the top stories currently in circulation.

Odds ‘n’ Endings Stories

These stories share a single connective thread through them all: the Odds ‘n’ Endings Boutique. The Proprietor—a timeless individual of many faces, few scruples, and a whole lot of character—deals in artifacts, each containing peculiar traits. These are the stories of the Boutique’s patrons.

Acknowledgements

• Overall design by L V N A C Y

• “The Groundskeeper” background image by Chris Anderson on Unsplash