Backstage at the Calamity, Vol. I No. VII: Serial Progress and the Groundskeeper Part VII

Table of Contents

• What the F*CK DID I Actually Work On This Week?

  • The MADALEXXX Obsidian Vault

  • A Vampire’s Vengeance

  • The Groundskeeper

• The Groundskeeper Part VII

• What’s Published and Where You Can Find It

  • Odds ‘n’ Endings Stories

• Postscript

• Acknowledgements

This week was another week lost to an illness threatening to inter me and my stories. But alas, despite the flagrant attempts at putting me down permanently, I have resisted, and succeeded in my endeavor to prevail over the wretched malady. Still, this has cost me some productivity in a number of stories I have in progress, which can only mean I must double my efforts to ensure they come to light in a timely manner. In the meantime …

What the F*CK DID I Actually Work On This Week?

The MADALEXXX Obsidian Vault

In a moment of mania, of high-level energy during an otherwise drowsy day, I had the brilliant idea to complete the reorganization of my workflow I had begun last week. As the idea was ill-considered and not very well planned to begin with, this took me several hours before I was finally content with the new system. I then promptly took a nap.

A Vampire’s Vengeance

This story is shaping up nicely. There is a high likelihood it will be complete well before The Groundskeeper finishes its run, and if so, this means an opportunity for edits and revisions, to provide you with a more polished serial. The Groundskeeper, well, you’re reading it as it’s being written, and so have front row seats to any and all catastrophe which might occur. I certainly hope you are enjoying yourself. On that note …

The Groundskeeper

I am currently managing to stay one chapter ahead! The farther I can move ahead, the better I can polish the work before it is published in this very periodical. However, given I am racing myself, I would rather take my time with the initial drafts and ensure you are provided the best version of this story. It is, after all, being written in near-real time. Now, without further ado …

The Groundskeeper Part VII

First time tuning in? Start here.

Recall that our hero has managed to survive their ordeal in the employee hall and is now at an impasse with how to deal with an animated corpse. Our story continues from Part VI …

I'm really not sure if I should outright approach a shambling mass of flesh and bone. I haven't confirmed whether or not it's a zombie, which could have some far-reaching effects for me if I become infected. And if it is a zombie, I don't know if it's like a Walking Dead zombie or a 28 Days Later zombie. What if I get close and the damn thing can sprint?

Honestly, I'd be fucked. I am so out of shape. Part of the reason I applied for this job was because I imagined I'd be sitting on my ass for most of my shifts. At most, I'd be walking around. Certainly not running, jumping, or sprinting.

No matter. In the time it's taken me to consider this all, the shambling mass of flesh and bone--fuck it, let's just call it a zombie, that'll make things easier--has shambled its way to the curb just opposite where I stand on the main thoroughfare. It's not quite up close, but I can make out greater detail and wow will I have nightmares because of that face; it will no longer simply haunt my dreams.

As it steps into the street, I notice the zombie is dragging a strip of paper attached to one of its toes. Probably laminated, this piece of paper has managed to hang on through the entirety of the journey the zombie has made to stand close beside me. I begin to circle around it, careful to stay out of reach, but wanting a good look, as I don't know how to proceed from here. Strip of paper attached the toe indicates to me this body belongs in this cemetery. Judging from where it came shambling, my guess is its grave or tomb lies in the vicinity of that direction.

The zombie pauses in its forward motion and begins to turn to follow my movement with its gaze. Its very intense and awful gaze. I am completely creeped out, but I am in no way going to abandon eighty dollars an hour on some raised hair and goosebumps all over my body. I think--so long as this is not, in fact, a 28 Days Later zombie--I'll be just fine if I can lead it back to its place of rest. I step backward, facing the zombie, in the direction I first saw it and pause to see if it will follow.

It follows. Thank goodness. I think I can manage this. I turn around and begin walking, pausing on occasion to allow the zombie to catch up some--but obviously not get too close. I feel like I'm an NPC in a video game where the main character is supposed to follow me and if they run they're too fast and have to wait for me, and if they walk they're too slow and I have to wait for them. I always wondered why game devs did that. They set the player's walk and run speed. Why wouldn't they match them in the characters the player is supposed to follow?

This surmising is distracting enough from the slow plodding we make. I soon land right on top of the grave from which the zombie sprouted. Which is fortunate, as I do not have to go on some long-winding path to find it, but disheartening when I discover the zombie did not have the courtesy to dredge up the coffin with it. Nope. No sir. Instead, there's a fist-sized hole where the zombie broke through and the dirt went falling back in behind it.

Well fuck me. I now have to dig up a coffin while trying not to get bitten. At least there's no running, jumping, or sprinting.

To be continued …

What’s Published and Where You Can Find It

These are the top stories currently in circulation.

Odds ‘n’ Endings Stories

These stories share a single connective thread through them all: the Odds ‘n’ Endings Boutique. The Proprietor—a timeless individual of many faces, few scruples, and a whole lot of character—deals in artifacts, each containing peculiar traits. These are the stories of the Boutique’s patrons.

Postscript

Please, do tell, how are you enjoying The Groundskeeper so far? Do you have strong opinions about Backstage at the Calamity? If so, you can throw them straight into the garbage.

I am kidding, of course. I would very much love to hear your thoughts and ideas. To send them is as simple as replying to this email. Send me your predictions, your considerations, your opinions, your desires. Send me songs you think will go well with the story or other stories you think pair well with this one.

If you’re feeling really ambitious, feel free to leave a review here.

Anyway, thank you so very much for being here! And if you are on the butterfly app, come follow me! You can find me on Bluesky here.

Acknowledgements

• Overall design by L V N A C Y

• “The Groundskeeper” background image by Chris Anderson on Unsplash